i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Oh god it's open bar.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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