ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
