I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
