end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
you made out with another girl for some wings
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
