we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
