i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
