who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
