Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
PS: I just woke up from my shower
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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