Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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