you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
