my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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