I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
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