I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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