thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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