last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
