it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
