yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
