worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
