yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
