my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
