I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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