This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
