Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
