I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
