i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
