Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
