Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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