Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It's shark week go big or go home
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
