I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
