it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She just used a chaser for red wine.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize