the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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