burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
