You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
