If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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