I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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