You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
