when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
birth control should be required to get into college
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
