ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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