Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
