She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
