you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We're too hungover to prance.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
