It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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