your thong is hanging out like whoa
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
