You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
