Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
