sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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