you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
