i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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