pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
