dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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