I have demons in me.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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