He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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