he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
