doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
