i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
