This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
