So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
