IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
