worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
