Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
