I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize