i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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