Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
