I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
