First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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