is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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