Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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