jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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