I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just invented taco cereal.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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