first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
well you can't waste a boner
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
