i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
