do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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