Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
