i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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