i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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