they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
